Puns are supposed to be the lowest form of humour. So what does this list tell us about ourselves? I've never been that crazy about puns but many of my acquaintances are so I decided to pass these on to you, and yet I enjoy playing with words, strange? I call them groaners! Though you have to admit that they are clever.
Humour for lexophiles (lovers of Words)
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, UCLA.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
A backward poet write in verse.
As many of my friends are seniors I couldn't resist adding the following. As it is the first time I've resorted to jokes and puns I think I can be excused. The following came in under the title, "Tell this won't happen to us"!
An elderly Floridian called on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher. "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake, and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "stay calm the officer is on his way". A few minutes later the  officer radios in "Disregard," he says, "she got into the back seat by mistake."
So as not to have the ladies feel I'm picking on them, this one is for them: A senior citizen was driving down the freeway , his car phone rang, answering it his wife urgently warned him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Highway 401, please be careful!" "Heck," he answered, "it is not just one, it’s hundreds of them!"
Enough of this I've had my fun and now it is time to be serious. Although we have been lucky this winter so far to have missed the big snow storms that have been to the north and to the south of us. But it has been very cold and there nothing more comforting than a warm bowl of rice pudding to end a meal. This recipe was so different -- and delicious -- I had to pass it on.
Rice pudding
3 cups milk
1/2 cup minute rice
1 package of vanilla pudding mix
3/4 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup mayonnaise
1 cup mashed bananas
Mix altogether and bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. You may add blueberries, cranberries, chocolate chips, etc. Serve warm.
Lemon pudding-serve warm
2 eggs
1 cup sugar
1 tbsp. butter
1 cup milk
1 lemon
2 tbsp. all purpose flour
Butter an 8-inch baking dish. Cream butter and sugar together. Add the rind and juice of one lemon. Add two well beaten egg yolks along with milk and flour. Beat egg whites until stiff and add to the mixture. Pour into baking dish and place in a large baking dish filled on third way up pan and bake 20 to 30 minutes at 375 degrees. Serve warm.